Widely known as the finest dating and romance coach for women on the West Coast, Marcus Katzenberg has been helping single women past their “best served by” date find love since 2003. Many of his distinguished alumnae have had a baby and then divorced, received highly favorable marital dissolution agreements or just had a fully-paid nice meal with an inoffensive suitor. Katzenberg is the author of “A Thinking Woman’s Guide to Dating After You’re Approaching Menopause.”
My girlfriend and I have been dating for over three months. We have had vaginal intercourse on a regular basis for two months. We are now at a point where I feel close enough to her to expand our horizons in the bedroom. I have asked her if we can have anal intercourse and she keeps refusing. Is she being homophobic? Apart from this the relationship was going well but her ignorance is a turn off and I’m worried about whether our values are compatible.
Signed,
Butt-Plugged
Not too long ago in this country and many other countries anal love-making was seen as something dirty or unnatural. Homophobes used this stigma to delegitimize same-sex partnerships.
As someone who has both given and received love via the anus (for research purposes since I’m straight), let me assure your girlfriend that there is nothing more special than accepting another person in your anus. So much trust is involved – for both partners. The receiver must trust that the giver does not make a wrong move and cause pain, and the giver must trust that the receiver recently evacuated stool and exercises good hygiene.
I suggest you tell your girlfriend that her refusal to accept you anally has you concerned about her feelings towards same-sex partnerships and that her bigotry could jeopardize your relationship. If her ignorance persists I suggest speaking with her family or her close friends about her behavior. Perhaps sensitivity training could help her.
Bottom line: she is probably not a bad person but just needs more education.
Marc