Michael Douglas Cunnilingus – Lightly Braised Turnip

It might have been years ago, but Michael Douglas bit off more than he could chew.  The star of Basic Instinct and Fatal Attraction has revealed that his throat cancer was apparently caused by performing oral sex – often referred to as cunnilingus.

In a frank interview with the LBT, the actor, now winning accolades for the Liberace biopic Behind the Candelabra, explained the background to a condition that was thought to be nearly fatal when diagnosed three years ago.

Asked whether he now regretted his years of smoking and drinking, usually thought to be the cause of the disease, Douglas replied: “No. Because this particular cancer is caused by HPV [human papillomavirus], which actually comes about from cunnilingus.”

The actor, now 68, was diagnosed with cancer in August 2010, following many months of oral discomfort.  After a series of specialists missed the tumor Douglas then went to see a friend’s doctor in Montreal who looked inside his mouth using a tongue depressor.

“I distinctly remember [when beginning cunnilingus] smelling something like burnt motor oil.”

During an intensive eight-week course of chemotherapy and radiation, Douglas recalled when and where – he believes – he contracted the disease.  “In 1985 I was in Brazil filming Jewel of the Nile with Kathleen Turner,” he said.  “I was single at the time and met a very attractive African-American woman from Sao Paulo.”  Douglas insists that this unknown Brazilian woman gave him the disease.

“I distinctly remember [when lowering his face to perform cunnilingus] smelling something like burnt motor oil,” said Douglas.  “I went ahead anyway, and when I tasted what was there it was like a kick in the mouth.”  The 68-year-old actor described the taste as “like wet tar blended with liquefied cat gut and warmed tobacco juice.”

According to the actor, within one week of the encounter he began having a scratchy sensation and discomfort in his throat that would never leave him.  Eventually, it became painful and, almost fatally, cancerous.

The treatment worked and Douglas is now more than two years clear of cancer. He has check-ups every six months, he said, “and with this kind of cancer, 95% of the time it doesn’t come back.”

Will Douglas ever pleasure a woman again?  “I’ve been trying to convince [wife] Catherine [Zeta Jones] to spice things up a little with another partner,” he said.  “Now I’d just as soon stick with the familiar.”

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